Journal

A day out

I had a very hard day… I was “OUT” of the whole of it. By out, I mean “out of mood”, “out of society”, “out of everything”. Everything that I wanted is to want nothing, just to be as a tree, being and being without puropse, cause or effect… At the same time, I’ve been thinking about what to post today. Hah! “Bsah meshi nafHatli Haadjah.” – There’s nothing to please me, so I just share with you an unpleasant day as a journal.

Yesterday, I slept late. I was preparing an oral presenation for today’s exam… [Lie detected] I was just effectively doing nothing whole night, except of writing a couple of bad verses, then I came up with some stupid idea in the last 10 minutes before sleeping.

I woke up early; prayed, put on clothes without checking the weather, then leaving the house without any drink or food. It was quite cold in the morning; tho I didn’t care. I also ignored the people looking at my light dress in the very morning – I thought that I experienced worse weather in Hungary that was a kind of good excuse.

-20° is a joke in Hungary. Haha. It was plus 20° in the morning here… I should have laughed. But I didn’t. Who cares.

Okay, to continue this absurd mood… I arrived to the university at 8:30 when actually my class was starting. I didn’t want to enter, so I sat down hidden in the park. I was listening Vivaldi’s Four Seasons that is a lovely classical music. I had no plan at all… I was writing some verses tho. I guessed that I should enter the exam afternoon… Then suddenly a girl came to me from my group, asking me surprisedly if there was no class. I told her: Sì. She asked where. I told her comme d’habitude. How funny is the face that she had! She was shocked of finding the best student skipping class in such a RIDICULOUS way.

I enjoyed the disorder that I created in her mind, so I decided that I enter class… It will be even funnier. It was a correction day. I got a good mark.. Who cares. I’m the first at Oral presentation. Who cares. I’m just improvising and making mistakes. Who cares.

Then, “my beloved” who’s mourning her lovely grandfather (May God have mercy on his soul) typed at me to ask how I am… Gosh! What a monster I am – it is me who should ask HER how she is; instead of mourning my life for living. What’s more! I told her, “I’m out.”. I should have been supportive, telling good news.. not even lies.. just tell her the good mark I got today and say her I’m fine. She’ll be content for that “at least one thing is okay in her life”. No. Not okay. I’m a brute. I feel sorry for this… tho, I feel nothing else.

This was my day. I was out. Skipping scenes as if you watch a movie by clicking on the videoplayer four times on the timescale. Interesting. I need to sleep… to kill more time from my life.

The issues of my life are uncountable as well as the shit that I give about them

  • I don’t have any problem with ANTHROPOLOGY, but there are too many Neanderthals around me.
  • People want me to talk, then they don’t like what I say…
  • “I want to be alone” is a magnetic phrase calling idiots around you.
  • If you have problem with a cockroach, you kill all of them with fire. I follow the same logic with feelings. ❤
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